Out and Out

I went out.
I was out last night.

“Are you expecting someone?” I ask Uncle B, he seemed restless, standing up and walking to the gates at every motorbike sound he heard.

He says he’s expecting DB and right-o-cue, he arrives albeit, empty handed in Uncle B’s eyes, “Didn’t you get my SMS? My call?”

Perplexed, he started digging his pocket for his phone, “What SMS?” then followed by an Ohhhh, “1 SMS, 2 missed calls, I’ll go get it now,” and sped off.

He’s supposed to get beer for Uncle B. Those 3 for RM10 from the local K-Mart. Always a good deal.

15 minutes later he returns with the goods, greeted the hyper active dogs and took a place on the table with us. “I tell you ah, work today like shit man,” wasting no time to whine about this dreadful day. Or so it seems at first.

“I got to handle and organize my team man,” pauses a moment to catch a mouthful of air, “for the entire Northern Region for Sony.”

Apparently, he is gonna single-handedly conduct an entire crew (or his team) for a Sony Product Familiarization course – in which I assume – would help with the sales.

“What do you mean by that?” I ask.

“We have to learn how to use the product lah, especially the Cybershot cameras and also Photoshop Elements 5,” he tells me as he gears up, he went on, “And then I gotta teach the entire team, damn tension lah!”

Aww come on, you call that a bad day? A bad day would be you teaching them Photoshop. But you’re teaching Elements, which is a stripped down version of its parent software. How hard can it be to learn how to use a bloody Cybershot? I learn how to use one in less than 5 minutes via Acap’s F55. Man I love that camera. I can’t help but space out to the thought if I was in his shoes, I would be having a good time soaring. Heh. Hello, I’m a Photoshop nerd, remember? I would be an awesome teacher. Let me indulge myself a little, I already have a “student” who is now – I quote her boyfriend – “A Photoshop goddess” after learning my EZ-Perfect-Skin Technique for photo touch-ups. Man, I’m so proud of her I could weep.

I told him we had a fuck-up at the office today too, “We fucked up 54,000 flyers today and best part is, no one can be blamed or everyone can be blamed.”

He gave me that weird one eyes smaller than the other with one side of his lip pulling up look, followed by a, “Eh?!”

“It’s one of those mistakes (or errors) that is blatant yet cloaked,” as I explain how it went wrong on both sides, “Basically, it fell onto a grey area in production.” How’s that for a bad day? I didn’t say that to him as he insisted his day was lousier and nothing would convince him otherwise. Even Uncle B, who has to walk up 14 flights of stairs everyday for security-checks. That to me is a bad day, everyday.

Then for some reason, I remember, DB is well known for his melodramatic reputation of glorifying anything. Also what most people would say, “He talks a lot of cock wan lah,” Everything that comes out is bullshit.

And rightly so, I snapped back into reality after a mini-space-out, he’s now talking about some place in Juru. With beautiful rivers and lush greens, he said it would be the most ideal place for fishing and chilling out.

“Woooah, where’s that?” I ask.

“Juru.”

The next thing I know, he’s still in that beautiful secret paradise driving a forklift heading towards the river, “Then ah, I saw lah, this one fucker,” he said as he placed his hands on the edge of the table, “About this big,” he gestured.

“It was a buaya man,” he continues, “I say thank you and go before he came at me,” and apparently drove off back to where he came from. And for some reason, he wasn’t compelled to tell the next person who is going on the forklift about the crocodile. He just left.

What the fuck is going on man? One minute he is handling what seems like the entire SONY in the Northern Region who is obsess with his job title to a Forklift Theme Park Carnival in Juru? With Crocodiles?

I stood up, “I think I should go home now.”