Lost and Found

“Are you sure you didn’t left it in the cemetery?” mom looks at me with worried eyes.

“Yes mom, I’m pretty sure,” I said, walking up and down the house, scouring every corner, “I remember placing it in the car as when we left,” but I still couldn’t find it.

That moment, I felt crushed. I couldn’t find my camera. I went all CSI-mode in search for my camera and found nothing. The feeling was escalating and this isn’t making this Monday any better. Distraught and angry at myself, I stormed out, all emo and drove straight to the cemetery on my way to work this morning. The worst thing that could happen, losing my camera when end of the year is approaching -- when everyone is coming back and parties galore.

I parked my car right infront of the cemetery entrance and begun my search. First stop, my grand aunt’s tombstone, her’s was the nearest and it is also highly unlikely that I’ll find it there. Because it’s so strategic and there’s always people. But I went anyway -- just for good measure.

Nothing.

So I moved on, dad called, “Meng, why don’t you try looking for it at the cemetery, maybe it’s still there.”

“I’m already here, on my way to granny’s now,” I said as I walked up the slightly steep road. It didn’t help that I was wearing a bloody red Man Utd jersey. Everyone stared at me. I get the impression that they think I’m some modern time grave robber.

The phone was still pressed against my right ear, “Search everywhere lah, are you sure you brought it back? Maybe you left it on the roof of your car or something,” dad goes on.

“No way dad, I had it with me when we left,” I said, full of confidence, “Do you remember seeing it when I was releasing air from my tyres at Esso?”

He went on a long errrrrr before he broke out of it, “I can’t recall lah,” he sighs, “But I remember you lugging around this small little black thing with you.”

Gee, that was a lot of help, “Right…anyway, I’m almost at granny’s now, call me if you find anything.”

We hung up and I tip toed my way to my grandma’s tomb. Shrubs were as tall as me and worms were all over the grassy ground. This is turning out to be the worst Monday ever. Doesn’t help that I’m wearing slippers. I arrive at her tomb, looked all over. Couldn’t find it. Started feeling even gloomier though the sun is shining so vibrantly. I said some prayers, spend a few minutes cleaning up the area before moving on.

So I walked on, last stop, my grand dad’s tomb. Every time I visit him, I always get this weird feeling inside. You see, I never met any of my grand dads. Even though – in my weird family tree – I have up to 4 grand dads. Don’t ask, its one bloody long story involving WWI and so on.

I arrive and begun looking around. Nothing. I felt like giving up. There’s nothing more I can do. I began talking to him, praying for my camera to somehow magically reappear. Closed my eyes with my hands clasp together, I pray. I’m not much of a prayer to begin with. Heck, I’m not even superstitious. I don’t know why I did it. I guess I really loved the camera. I picked myself up and dragged myself thru the tall shrubs and worm-laden ground back onto the tarmac. Just less than 30 seconds after I left, dad called;

“Meng ah!!” in his usual I-am-gonna-lecture-you-now tone, he still does this even though I’m already 23 and he knows I just nod, “You ahhh…haiyohh, so careless, here!” he passes the phone to my mom, “Hee hee hee hee, did you drive my car yesterday ah?” she asks.

“No, I was too lazy to go out.”

Still giggling, she says “Sure not? I found your camera, it’s in my car. On the driver’s seat some more!”

I wasn’t really sure how it got there, but then I recall, “Ohhhhhhh, you lah, you said bats were shitting all over your car, so I moved it back lah when we got back,” but what I didn’t know was it has slipped out and landed itself on the front seat. From this point on, my dad burst into laughter, of relief I’m guessing.

After having them laugh at me for 5 mins, we hung up. I stopped walking.

Then it hit me.
No way. Nooo way. I looked back at where my grand dad’s tomb was. Could it? No way…something divine just happen? I stood there like an idiot, beaming in bright red. Did my grand dad just hear me out? I turn and walked back to him. Though I’m more science then superstitions, I thought it’ll be rude not to thank him, for helping the grand son he never saw. So I walked back and gave my thanks and sat there for a bit.

On my way down, I revisited grandma too. Call it creepy but I swear her picture smiled a bit when I was there. Maybe it was the heat or something…

I went to work after that.

Pow!

About a week or two ago -- the monitor started to show signs of age. I was seeing yellow. No, nothing wrong with me eyes. Assuming one of the colour channels are fucked, my screen has a strong yellow-ish tint to it. Heck, everything was yellow, the iPod nano wallpaper I had, showcasing the new colours of green, blue, pink, silver and black, was all in different shades of yellow -- and gold.

At times like these, tasks like Googling becomes impossible. I can’t see the difference between sites I have visited and those I have not.

All in all, the monitor is fucked. Proper fucked.
Have been looking around for LCD monitors with at least 800:1 contrast ratio (1000:1 would be awesome!). No, I’m not materialistic and not the type that won’t settle for mediocrity. It’s just that I have a handful of freelance design stuff coming up and I need a really sharp and accurate LCD monitor. Let's face it, most LCDs these days still can't compete with CRT's clarity and accuracy. Plus, I’m a designer, a graphic designer. I need clarity! Besides, LCD are so slim -- imagine the extra desk space.

Today…after washing my car (shaddup drey), I turn on the monitor.
Well what do you know…

The monitor decided to unfucked itself.


But after 5 minutes
It fucked itself up again. Yellow was in once more.
But I forgot that all things technology always – always has one easy quick fix. You don’t need to have superior knowledge in technology or a big time nerd.

All you need is your fist (or foot) and give it a swift punch (slap or kick).





Voula!
All is well now.

I should start my own business.

Almost White

Of late, it has been tight. Very tight. So tight, I feel my chest is gonna collapse soon. Then you think back at times when you were younger, why your parents are always so stressed…and randomly it seems. This month, I knew I was gonna go thru a rough patch, a real bumpy one.

How do I know? No, I’m not a fortune teller eventhough it says so in the About Me section. But I knew it when I forked out the money to buy an iPod eventhough I could barely afford at that time. But hey, it’s from the States, it’s a hell lot cheaper. So why the hell not? Suffer now lah.

“I’ll go get it on Sunday,” she texts to my phone, halfway round the globe. But that was last week. I had accidentally disrupted her slumber, damn those time-zones!

I haven’t heard from her since. And its pass Sunday already, heck, it’s Friday today…I’m starting to feel iffy -- very iffy. I know she has bought it already. She must have!

I also know she is keeping me in suspense -- on purpose. I’m crazy over any Apple product and she knows that.

So you can imagine the anxiety when I saw her popped online today.

YVONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAVE U HAVE U HAVE UA HEVAUE HAVEUA VAUERV AUEVAURV !?!?!?!?!?!?!

I typed.

Silence. No response.



Then…
The magic words came -- In full Malaysian colours!

“I got ur iPod la,”


WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Not only that, I got a sneak preview…
Which I took the liberty to animate and re-construct the webcam moment.


Yes I know. I'm damn kampung. But hey, whoever that knows me well enough knows that I've been eye-ing an iPod for a long time. That's the neighbour's little hands by the way. All the way from Washington.

Now I can sleep at night.


(Von, Char Koay Teow on me!)

Overdue Photos

OK, here we go. Extremely overdue photo-entries. Here we go, MERDEKA @ Flix. Of course, the Rave was a massive failure. The club did well. I mean, who really cares about shuffling when there are girls in skin tight outfit dancing on bar-tops.


Ian's Last Minute BBQ Party @ Miami Beach Apts. Can you believe these people didn't include Lamb in the list? I had to buy my own personal stash, which they finished it, not me. Ian doing his classic pose.

The KL Trip! I swear, I've never heard of Famous Grouse ever. Famous, konon. Why is there a bird? Were we getting high on bird piss? And stop gimme shit about not climbing Vig, you pull out of it. LOL.

Why Oh Why...

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

Do you cry under water?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on . . . . . . . . . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Withdrawal

“Maybe it has been 6 years (going on 7) for a reason,” feeling agitated because I do not know where to go from here. Yes, I know, I’m picky. Very picky if I might add. It’s not because I was born like that. I’ve seen, met and attempted. So I know there’s more than just living in a Chinese drama series. I want something real, something personal, something that’s just different from the norm.

Perhaps it was something else that bothered her, “You know, in 3-4 more years you’ll be single for a decade already,” she blatantly pointed that obvious fact out. Not sparing my feelings, or lack there of. Nah, it didn't really bother me.

“Well, don’t put it in that perspective lah,” I said, “Relationship-wise, yeah, but other than that it has been great.”

“The flings?” she adds.

A tiny smile creeps on to my face. I’m looking down at my huge foot, wiggling my toes, “Yeah, it gets me by – physically,” I raised my head and I looked at her, “But -- I’m emotionally…empty. Heck, I don’t even know if I could feel anymore.”

She pinches me.

“AAAUuUgh!, what the fuck was that for?”

“I’m just testing,” that was her justification, “see, you can still feeeeeeeel lah,” she beams.

I’m still clutching my right arm, man, that woman can sure pinch, “I know lah! I meant emotionally,” rubbing my arm, trying in vain to numb the piercing pain. I saw another pinch coming, I sprang out from the steps and ran to the corner, “Don’t lah.”

“You know,” she stood up, with a deep-in-thoughts kind of face . Left elbow across her body, resting her right elbow on it and fingers caressing her chin, “Let’s just say we speak, metaphorically,”

“Uh huh…”

“The pinch represents your emotion,” she starts her lecture-like proceedings, “and when you start feeling something…you run away,” she concludes and look up into the sky (the ceiling to be exact), contemplating, it seems. Then her head tilt back into a normal angle and looked at me. I’ve never seen eyes so big before, “Could it be that you are afraid of commitment?!”

Oh god. That actually made some sense.

“Well, maybe you’re right,” I nodded towards the steps, suggesting we should go back to it, my legs are weary, “No more pinching okay?”

“OK.”

“I mean, yeah, you could be right. But she wasn’t the case,” resting my elbows on my thighs, resting my face on my hands.

“How so?”

I took a long sigh and got out from my hands, “Well, I got the impression that I was in Wah Lai Toi and my life was temporarily inducted into a Chinese drama series.” I struggle to explain further, stuttering, “I saw my whole life, with her, flash before my eyes,” I’m an optimist; I see the good side of things, always. My cup is always half full, “and it was just like those episodes. I can’t, I just can’t commit into something like that.”

“Maybe you…”

I cut in, “And the distance doesn’t really help either. Apparently I can’t seem to save money anymore since buying the car.” I sighed. “You were saying?”

She seemed puzzled, as if her prophecy of me being afraid of commitment has disintegrated and her short-lived career as a fore-teller has crumbled, “Nevermind. Then how on earth did you get to know her?”

“Thru friends…” I said, “But for all the wrong reasons.”

“What wrong reasons?” her head bounced a little.

“What else?” I winked. ;)

“Oh,” her mouth gaped like a whale-shark, “You bastard!” she pinches me again and refuse to let go.

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” I begged her to let go, she took her sweet time contemplating that decision. She did let go in the end. “You liar!” I pinched her back, but a weak pathetic one.

“Aaaaaaaaaa…” and a tirade of mini slaps on my hands rained on me.

After all the laughter and 10 seconds of pure high, we came back to our senses. “So, what are you gonna do about it?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t”

“Well, take it easy lah,” she advises me, “I think you need to sleep on it. And when you wake up – you should know what to do then. You need to clear your head of Wah Lai Toi.”

“Hahaha, yeah, guess so.”

“I think we should get going,” says she as she stood up and took a mini stretch. I poked her ribs, to tickle, “Eh!”

:)

“Yeap, the security guards might think we’re planning to rob the bank.” I say, “I need to go home anyway, sleepy. I just got back.” We have been seating on the steps in front of Maybank for almost 30 minutes.

“Ooo okay, why are you taking out so much money anyway?”

“Oh, I wanna get an iPod, my neighbour’s in the States. It’s damn cheap there.”

“And you say you can’t save money?” she sepet-ed her eyes, as if she’s onto something.

“Eh eh, no lah, I’m forcing myself to get it wan okay. I have no idea how am I gonna survive on 6 Ringgit for the rest of the month,” I show her the receipt which made her chuckle, “But here’s the strange bit, I’m not even worried!”

“Well, if you need to loan some…”

“Nah, it’s OK, I’ll be fine. Thanks anyway,” I cut in again.

“OK,” she peeked at her small wrist watch, “I gotta go, they’re waiting for me. It’s been great catching up. I heard Zach got married,”

“Yeah, he did.”

“Wow,” it took her 5 seconds to snap out of it, she shook her head a little, “OK OK, I gotta go, it’s been great chatting, I’ll see you around. Take care.”

“OK, you take care yeah?” we exchange hugs, “I’ll see you when I see you lah,”

She rode off in her car, I got into mine, placing every valuable note into a special envelope. Then I thought about it, about her, what am I gonna do about it. That weekend was deadline day, the day I really give it a go. It was fun while it lasted, but I found myself peeking at my wristband, assuming there’s a watch there but there isn’t, only to dig out my phone to check the time now and then. I could have been bored to a certain extend and was in denial about it – or just being nice.

I guess, in the end, it didn’t work out too well for me. The search goes on.

Because I Just Feel Like Blogging

Another weekend of travel and breaking routine.
I’m so broke and I’ve not even left the island yet.
When she gets back from the States, I expect to see something white.
The phone and camera is still charging.
They didn’t know Uncle had moved on.

I’ve got 15 minutes left before I split this joint.
I guess I better get going.

KL! Woooooooooooo…

Because I Just Feel Like Writting

It has been an emotional roller coaster ride of late. I can’t seem to keep a consistent need, attitude and state of mind. It’s funny how one can feel so blissful and be so miserable in a space of just a few days.

Puffing a light cloud of smoke, she says “But this isn’t what you want,” while she slowly extends her arm, creating a distant between her and the cigarette, sitting on the steps.

I realize where she is coming from, we’ve talked about this before, “I know. This isn’t what I want if it does prove to be just another game,” I declare, “But god knows why I keep falling back into the vicious cycle,” I sighed and lean against the wall behind me which cause my arm and black t-shirt to stain -- of white. I guess you do have to be careful of what you wish for.

Gazing into the horizon, I spot rain, “The rain is heading our way,” Now that’s a sudden change in topic.

Then we talked about a certain medical condition that was featured in House, which then I made a random remark, “I just don’t want to get close with my phone, again,” knowing that my past failures are due to that. For some, it helps -- but for others, it can be very destructive. It has been very vindictive to me. Not to mention the dent on my account. I don’t want to go down that alleyway all over again.

My phone sings to the tune of Bob Marley’s Is This Love. How ironic.
Ah Liew’s picture appears; I pick up, “Supp matcha?”

“MatchAaAAaAaaaa…” he shrieks in his usual but sometimes strange sense of enthusiasm, “Eh, I ask you something ah…”

“Supp?”

“The other day, got thunderstorm…very loud, then now my PC cannot turn on, no signal at all lah! How?! @#$”

With my superior knowledge in computers -- I said, “Your comp is fried, dude.”

“Proper fried?”

“Most probably. Yeah.”

“Oh fuck,” his voice dims into a subterranean gloom, “What about the modem?? How can I know for sure it’s fried??” refusing to admit defeat.

“Open up the CPU and check it out lah,” I propose.

Saddened by the bad news, he went on, “Aduh, if all fry how ah??”

“Usually it’s the power supply only lah, but who knows…shit happens.”

Coming to terms with it, he snaps out from his gloominess, “OK, OK, nevermind, let’s go for lunch one of these days, a good lunch, my repayment for the logo you did for me.”

I did forget to design the logo for him until he called again. Have been busy with work now that the festive seasons are coming unrelentingly – but lucky me, I manage to make up for lost time and still come up with something pretty.

“Good lunch, eh? Hahah, ok TAU KEH. Sure. But soon lah, I’m going to KL this Friday.” I replied.

“Oh you are?”

“Yeah I am,” I told him while holding my ticket, playing with the light bouncing off the glossy paper they use. Trying to catch my reflection.

“Cool man, cool,” he says, “Have fun man, we’ll lunch tomorrow lah, cool?”

“Oh, I sure will. And let's eat kau kau tomorrow!”

Just after we hung up, I noticed the ticket reads, ‘Seat No.: 21’
Crap. Not again. It’s that bloody seat above the wheel/suspension/next to the emergency exit.

Blunt Scissor

Being almost 190cm and skinny as hell, it’s almost impossible for people to resist from calling me Crouch when I step into any pitch.

On Wednesday, we had our usual Futsal outing. I invited the Ah Neh to come join us since he’s back. And when one of my team mates’ shot was deflected, the ball took a bounce and floated just slightly higher above my head. It was my calling, it was destined, it was fate that I must do what he did in midweek against Galatasaray.



So I did that. An exact carbon copy, but on a Futsal pitch and in Asia.

But then, this Ah Neh, who has a knack of putting in nuts between my shot and the goal in recent times, was standing right smack at the center of goal. Lucky him, no family jewels were painfully struck, all he had to do was catch the ball as it flew straight to him and made a comfortable save.

“You fucker lah Vig, real fucker. Almost did a Crouch wei!!!”

Weirdnesday

Today was quite embarrassing.

I’m not much of a bank-type person, heck, I hate to have anything to do with banks. They overwhelm you with ridiculous load of unnecessary information even though all you wanted was an update on the bank book. Let's not go into loan-application. Goodness, I have to sign until I forgot how my signature looked like! Strange how my sis is a banker.

Anyhoo…
Me. Scenario, at the bank, Maybank at Gelugor to be precise.

Suffering the consequences of banking my pay-cheque late (and on a Friday). So right now as it is I’m so pathetically broke. Kept my fingers crossed and went up the stairs, straight to the ATM and did my thing. Toot Toot Toot. Wooohoooo. Mah Nehhhh!! So I key in my amount and ka chik ka chik my ATM card pops out. Thus placing my skinny fingers on the part where the money should gracefully slide out. But that damn thing can show temper man! That damn machine just threw my money out as if I’m in some all-you-can-grab money chamber! Kanneh…I took out a lot somemore man. On the bright side, there’s only the guard to laugh at me and I didn’t have to fend off those gambling-addict Ah Bengs.

“Apasal cam ni??” I snapped.

“ (Heh heh heh) Tak tau! (heh heh heh)”

Then my mom calls, “Meng ah…GOT MONKEYS INSIDE OUR HOUSE WEI!!! @#$%!!!!! THEY @#$% CAME FROM THE @#$% BALCONY!!! I HAD TO SCREAM!!! I THOUGHT SOMEONE BROKE IN!! THEY WERE TRYING TO STEAL YOUR PRINGLES!”

WTF?

What the hell is wrong with today man?

Chasing. Bending. Posing

My bad for the tardiness.

But I did receive a lil email from Mr. Blogspot telling me that I could now hide certain entries and limit access…interesting stuff. It’s about bloody time.

I’ve been bombarded with so much work that I burst into laughter (in my head only), thinking that this is just about as bad as it could get. Then that’s when shit happens. Now, I’m covering for my colleagues while they themselves are chasing their clients, chasing their freedom. Sounds a bit melodramatic, innit? But that’s the reality. They, the clients, are not the freedom we are hunting, but of what they stand for which is the work that we dread but ultimately it is what we were paid to do and when it’s done, that’s when we expect some sense of liberation at the end of it. Just to justify everything, make sense of it all and recharge.

-------------------------------------------

“You know, you should really give this a go,” says her on my mobile, now so over-heated, it feels like a mini ear-heater for rainy days, just for one ear, “you’re so stretchy.”

I would have preferred the phrase bendy, “Hah, so that means I don’t have to,” trying to get out from it, because in my head, it’s bordering the line and I don’t feel comfortable getting into weird angles and sustaining. But her perseverance got the best of me, “OK OK, I’ll do it if it means so much to you.” But I did want to check it out, just for the fun of it, for experience…and maybe show-off a little, just a little. Really. Not everyone is born bendy. Now my back hurts.

-------------------------------------------

We have an article coming up in The Star’s BizWeek section, after Raya. So be sure to check it out. No, we didn’t write an article; they wrote one…a wee bit about us (mostly him) and about advertising in Penang. But when we travelled down to KL, in this fella’s car, I knew it would be impossible to even get a sentence in the article. He’s a 30-year veteran in the field, heck, his work-age is older than my age! I’d be lucky to even get a word. So the whole trip, I psyched myself out for poses. Call it Plan B. Since Audrey says I feed on attention, not seek it, why the hell not? After all, they are gonna get the whole page to themselves. I’m more camera-friendly anyway, let me have the shots :P, eh, I pasang ok…now come to think of it, what was with the emo pose anyway?

The photographer goes around shooting our photographs the minute we arrive, “Oh yes, oh yes, own it, own it,” he mutters, “Own the shot, oh yeah marvellous…”

Wah, damn rock star.

I saw him aiming and focusing on me before recomposing in most shots -- I get the impression I’m in focus and everyone else is blurred out. Oh, that’d be uber-cool!