15-Minutes

Here's my snippet in The Star's Section 2 (now known as STAR2) today. Yay. Unfortunately (or fortunately), THE TB MOVIE had no mention.

"Did you tell her what THE TB really means?" ask Ian.

Shoots, it didn't came to my mind, "Errr, shit, nevermind-lah," I said, "I mean, it obviously can't be a movie about the disease," I did mention to her that it's a party video. Crazy shit.

I'm glad yet, not. Well, I think I'll settle with being glad. After all, if the movie was ever made public -- albeit without some censorship and re-editing -- a lot of my friends might get dumped and some arrested. I guess it's better this way ;)

Click here for the online version.

So, I'll be ready to sign autographs after work today, lol.
I sign on boobies too.

Really.


Come on lah.





Please?


No, not you Ian. I'll draw stars on ya like last time when you were sleeping ;) heh. Kapten Malaysia!

Aww come on, that was funny-lah. Too bad you had to delete that glorious picture.


Cheers Diana! I'll buy you a French-maid outfit if I ever find one.
(It's for Tuck's benefit lah, haiyoh.)

PONG!

Meng: | .

Ian: . |

Meng: Curve ball! \ .

Ian: Super curve ball!! . (

Meng: Woaaa...that was cool!

Ian: What was cool? The super curve-ball?

Meng: Yeah, double vision!! | :

Ian: | .
Ian: Shit! Miss liao.

Meng: Wooohooo!

Ian: Fuck I'm bored.

Wazaaa

One day, I was bored. I'm quite sure I was still in college. I gave Ryan's mobile a ring, to see what's up.

Toot toot -- toot toot -- toot too...

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" the voice on the other line greets, in full excitement and glee.

"WAZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!" I replied.

"..."

Crap, "Hi Aunty, is Ryan there?"

"Wait a minute ya (hee hee hee)," says her, cheekily.

"Hello?" Ryan picks up.

"Dude, you're mom just Punk'd me."

Stuck on You

This is hilarious! Watch it with audio ;)

Out and Out

I went out.
I was out last night.

“Are you expecting someone?” I ask Uncle B, he seemed restless, standing up and walking to the gates at every motorbike sound he heard.

He says he’s expecting DB and right-o-cue, he arrives albeit, empty handed in Uncle B’s eyes, “Didn’t you get my SMS? My call?”

Perplexed, he started digging his pocket for his phone, “What SMS?” then followed by an Ohhhh, “1 SMS, 2 missed calls, I’ll go get it now,” and sped off.

He’s supposed to get beer for Uncle B. Those 3 for RM10 from the local K-Mart. Always a good deal.

15 minutes later he returns with the goods, greeted the hyper active dogs and took a place on the table with us. “I tell you ah, work today like shit man,” wasting no time to whine about this dreadful day. Or so it seems at first.

“I got to handle and organize my team man,” pauses a moment to catch a mouthful of air, “for the entire Northern Region for Sony.”

Apparently, he is gonna single-handedly conduct an entire crew (or his team) for a Sony Product Familiarization course – in which I assume – would help with the sales.

“What do you mean by that?” I ask.

“We have to learn how to use the product lah, especially the Cybershot cameras and also Photoshop Elements 5,” he tells me as he gears up, he went on, “And then I gotta teach the entire team, damn tension lah!”

Aww come on, you call that a bad day? A bad day would be you teaching them Photoshop. But you’re teaching Elements, which is a stripped down version of its parent software. How hard can it be to learn how to use a bloody Cybershot? I learn how to use one in less than 5 minutes via Acap’s F55. Man I love that camera. I can’t help but space out to the thought if I was in his shoes, I would be having a good time soaring. Heh. Hello, I’m a Photoshop nerd, remember? I would be an awesome teacher. Let me indulge myself a little, I already have a “student” who is now – I quote her boyfriend – “A Photoshop goddess” after learning my EZ-Perfect-Skin Technique for photo touch-ups. Man, I’m so proud of her I could weep.

I told him we had a fuck-up at the office today too, “We fucked up 54,000 flyers today and best part is, no one can be blamed or everyone can be blamed.”

He gave me that weird one eyes smaller than the other with one side of his lip pulling up look, followed by a, “Eh?!”

“It’s one of those mistakes (or errors) that is blatant yet cloaked,” as I explain how it went wrong on both sides, “Basically, it fell onto a grey area in production.” How’s that for a bad day? I didn’t say that to him as he insisted his day was lousier and nothing would convince him otherwise. Even Uncle B, who has to walk up 14 flights of stairs everyday for security-checks. That to me is a bad day, everyday.

Then for some reason, I remember, DB is well known for his melodramatic reputation of glorifying anything. Also what most people would say, “He talks a lot of cock wan lah,” Everything that comes out is bullshit.

And rightly so, I snapped back into reality after a mini-space-out, he’s now talking about some place in Juru. With beautiful rivers and lush greens, he said it would be the most ideal place for fishing and chilling out.

“Woooah, where’s that?” I ask.

“Juru.”

The next thing I know, he’s still in that beautiful secret paradise driving a forklift heading towards the river, “Then ah, I saw lah, this one fucker,” he said as he placed his hands on the edge of the table, “About this big,” he gestured.

“It was a buaya man,” he continues, “I say thank you and go before he came at me,” and apparently drove off back to where he came from. And for some reason, he wasn’t compelled to tell the next person who is going on the forklift about the crocodile. He just left.

What the fuck is going on man? One minute he is handling what seems like the entire SONY in the Northern Region who is obsess with his job title to a Forklift Theme Park Carnival in Juru? With Crocodiles?

I stood up, “I think I should go home now.”

Him & Her

WHAT THE HELL HAPPEN IN THAILAND MAN?? I PLAY FUTSAL WITH HIM WEI! I mean HER...err....OHMYGAWD!

I couldn't resist. I need to give him boobs to complete the cycle.

Oh come on, as if you wouldn't.

Eat Your Heart Out Soundsticks!

In late 2004, while still employed under the excruciatingly stingy CG Computers, I came across this little thing aptly called Creature. It looks like a hastily unfinished Wan Tan. Maybe even resembles a tissue cannon-ball we used to throw up to the ceiling in secondary school. For what reason, I don’t know. For sure it wasn’t meant to annoy to teachers. I guess we just like to see how long it’ll take to fall. Sometimes it takes weeks. And who it falls on.

I remember they had just introduced this speaker and well, a lot of people were cynical, and the shape didn’t really help validate anything. It didn’t looked like your typical run of the mill speakers, “WTF?! It sounds bloody amazing, man!”

Kant – my colleague in CG-Prangin, who is also half a head taller than me – suggested I crank it up even more, “Any higher I think we’ll drown that crappy techno music they’re playing on the stage next to us.”

“You would rather listen to that?”

Hell no, so I crank it up. Prangin now dance to our Jimmy Eat World tune, also, it has this weird (and uber-cool) technology. It kind of turns the surface of whatever the speaker is sitting on into a speaker. Frankly, it sounded as if the whole stall was an amplifier, “Who’s this?” Kant asks.

“Jimmy Eat World’s new album, Futures,” it was 2004, and they had just released it.

One major turn off was it fetched a RM399 price tag. Pretty hefty for a speaker, but seemingly worth it if you ask me. Damn powerful and clear. After all, buying a Harmon/Kardon Soundsticks at RM799 is even more ridiculous.

“Maybe one day I’ll own it,” I told Kant while he was attending to a customer, in which, he did his thing, and as usual, closed the sale. How the hell does he do it? Must be his soothing radio-DJ like voice. My whole time there, I’ve only sold one PowerBook. And it was to Sina. Well, I suck at sales anyway. He sold 3 iBooks that day. The commission doesn’t differ. We all get the same amount.

3 years later, came PC Fair 2007 and the office was going thru a melt down with their PCs. Like I said since the day I got in, “We should really look into being fully Mac-based.” I understand the stocky price tag, but we do literally get our money’s worth. So they bought 2 brand spanking new iMacs and it was on offer. No they didn’t slash the price, but they did give a couple of cool gifts. Like the looks-exactly-the-same-as-the-wired-version wireless keyboard and…

JBL Creature II Satellite Speakers priced at RM499 now. Since it’s the second improved version of the one I saw 3 years ago.

And since they’ve got 2 sets, I get to keep one! At a certain discounted price, of course. Now my room desk is a speaker! It’s strange how sometimes you do get what you wish for.


They seem to get along just fine, don't they? ;)

Quack Quacks

"I swear to god, I've just heard a duck tell a joke. There was as group of ducks on a pond near where I live. One of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks. Then he stopped and all of a sudden the other ducks went mental.

It looked just like duck stand-up comedy."

Quoted from QDB.

Snakes and Relapse

[THE TB MOVIE Trailer is out! Watch it here]

Sometime back, I wrote about how if you prepare the right kind of food, with the right mood could get you laid. I also remember I saw this show on the tele which says that what you consumed during lunch could affect your work performance.

Funny I should mention that, I just had Chicken Rice and Char Koay Teow. Now I’m like a snake after swallowing a whole cow. Sluggish, tripped out and well, damn full. Doesn’t help that I still have half the day to kill.

I recall, in that show, they told me if your lunch consists of carbs (and lots of it) and white meat, you might as well grab a pillow and look for a secluded corner in the office. But, if there were red meat, ohh baby, you’d be blazing at work.

OK, this is not helpful at all, but I can’t seem to find any reference in Google.

But I do remember that white meat and carbs give you that sense of euphoria and “oh I’m so full and in content now, I’m ready to die now” feeling. While red meat makes you hyper and well…eager to do things. Hmmm, or was it the other way round? Crap. I’m quite sure I got it right.

And on an un-related seemingly random switch in topic, I had a relapse. Yes, relapse. You see, I am a recovering shopoholic. Yes you read it, I’m a shopoholic.

Since my RM600 spending spree in only 2 shops in Langkawi in June, I’ve been on the right-track to recovery. No relapse, no jitters when I see SALE or DISCOUNTS and no walking into the Apple shop “just to look around”. But then – when Popular at Midlands held their closing stock clearance sale — with original music CDs going as low as RM9, DVD Box set collections (that has 14 movies in it) going at RM35 and cheap books…

I. Cannot. Tahan. Anymore.

So I whipped out me wallet and bought Studio Ghibli, Travis: The Man Who even though I already have it (because this is ori mah), some Jamaican singer, and a year’s supply of books (including marketing books, cooking books for my mom and some for me)…

Which brings to total tally to…well roughly almost RM300. I need to thank WHY PAY MORE for having a shit array of clothes. They were just next to Popular and they were having a SALE too!

So now, for the month of April…I’m financially fucked. Good thing I already drew out cash for me car loan and settled my bills. Phew.

(P/S: Don't forget to watch THE TB MOVIE Trailer!)

The Trailer

Ladies and gentlemen, the long awaited trailer is now showing! Watch it with audio, yeah? Enjoy!



(Also, this is like my first video post, ever. Woooo...)

My Magnet

I have discovered the ultimate chick-magnet!
Yesterday, I met up with the Big Boss, a.k.a. the Boss’ wife. We met up in Queensbay as we have agreed earlier to pick up the blazin’ new iMac.

But of course, being the resident-sesat that I am – no one can get lost as well as I do – I got lost while searching for the underground car park, “Meng ah, where are you ah? We’re at the food court and we’re done eating..”

I need to make one big ass U-turn to get back to Queensbay, “I’m on my way!” I said.

Eventually, I manage to find the parking lot, and it wasn’t underground, I ended spiraling up the multi-storey car park. Hmmph…

Long story short, she told me I should go grab some lunch first, while she was taking her daughter to the toilet…”But I hate eating alone!” I said, though I do that on most occasions. I rather not eat alone.

“OK lah, I accompany you, meet me at the food court.”

We met up and I had my extra large lunch. Chicken rice with extra rice! They actually made it look like a smiley face, which made the daughter laugh. Then it happens. The discovery of the magnet…

Mrs. Boss got off her seat, “Meng ah, you look after her for awhile ah, I go toilet,” and then she left. Leaving the 6-year-old daughter and me. I look at her she looks at me. One thing led to another, I actually manage to have a decent conversation with her. Mr. Boss was right; she is pretty damn mature (and smart) for a 6 year old.

Despite all that, she did veer the conversation back into playing. Telling me how she is looking forward to Friday, “My cousins will be visiting and I’ll get to play with them!”

“Wah, long weekend huh?” I say.

“Yeah! But sometimes, I wish mommy will just give birth to a little brother for me,” citing that it sucks to play by herself and she would rather have a constant playmate. Since – according to her – she’s been studying like mad and being a real good girl, maybe she does deserve a sibling. After telling me she love Saturdays the most, courtesy of Mickey Mouse morning cartoons. I told her I hate Sundays and she understood.

As I struggle to finish my colossal plate of chicken rice, I started noticing the attention I was getting from the surrounding table, especially this group of girls that has just gotten a table next to us. They look at her, then me, then her and then me again. Exchanging whispers.

The next thing I know, this girl – who sat closest to us – whipped out her Razr phone and aim the camera at us. Pretending to be writing an SMS. I looked at her (just to make sure she IS taking a picture of us), she panicked and hid her phone. OK-lah, confirm. So now must control macho. I looked away. I can be quite the cam-whore. And just as expected, the phone resurfaced and she snaps away. I manage to make a couple of random remarks that made us laugh – must look cool mah – as she was still snapping at us.

I tell you; the amount of attention I got was superstar-like. Everyone adored us. My cloud 9 trip ended with the return of Mrs. Boss.

Whatever it was, I’m sure I’ve found the ultimate chick-magnet. And this is not some pathetic fridge magnet-typed chick magnet. This is Industrial Magnet Quality chick-magnet yo. Industrial type quality that will get me into an all-girl-orgy and me being the only guy. Ooh baby.

“Dude, I need to borrow your daughter more often,” I told Mr. Boss later that evening.

“She does have that chick-magnet quality, huh?”

Oh yeah.

High Above

"You ever think god gets stoned?" I ask.

He replies, "Have you ever seen a platypus?"

It's a Wrap!

I tried taking a photo of this stylishly sleek (but sadly mediocre) iMac that I have on me desk. But due to my lack of taking photographs of late (and also editing the video), dah karat lah tu. Need to brush up on photography. We’ll get into that next time. And the photo is too crappy to have it post up.

I want to update ya’ll with the video (I think I should describe it as a movie now) progress. Those 3 words I’ve wanted to hear for so long…those 3 beautiful, relieving and liberating words. I can finally call it.

“It’s a wrap!” I shouted in my room, half pass 11 at night. My parents were already getting ready for bed, but I could still hear them doing their nightly chatter with the doors open.

Upon hearing my delight, I overheard my Dad saying to my Mom, “Meng cho hah leh video, cho ka siao liao,” (I think Meng has gone mad doing this video.)

“Boh siao lah!” I scream back from my room, “Liau liao mah! Mah happy lor!”

I heard my Mom going hee hee and haa haa, “Wah, your hearing very sharp hor?” asks Dad.

We live in a townhouse, not a mansion, “Your door open lah.”



Anyhoo…
The movie’s done. Now I throw the ball at my neighobour’s house. Her house is kinda like Low Yatt, you’ll find anything and everything from burners to projector screens. But I’ll throw that ball later. She’s having a post-BF-going-back-to-the-States depression. I don’t want to die before the premier, you know.

Von, do call me when you’re feeling better ;)

Also, the trailer has also been done. I plan to release the 33-second trailer by sometime next week. As soon as I sort out this YouTube thing.

What The Flush?!

Come on man, this is too funny to be true man. [Click Here]