A Red Pre-New Year

Yeap, I can be really pathetic sometimes. Since the new year is coming up, I can't help but spoil myself with a gift to myself. Haha, this is how pathetic I can be. Since no one ever buys me anything, I guess it's up to me to make sure I don't sign-in the new year empty handed. Thanks to Derek though for helping me get this shirt from England. At least this is the first ever Man Utd jersey I got from outside Malaysia. It ridiculously comfy. I guess it has to be when there's a £33 (RM235) price tag on it. Or maybe I'm just in denial.

Hmmmm...

Asian Prince

Boys and girls, you guys gotta check this out...

Asian Prince

It's cheesy, corny and lame all rolled into one.

Enjoy!

7th Month

Strike 3
3 days in a row
I've been seeing accidents happen
Right infront of me.

Day #1
Old malay uncle meets bike

Day#2
Reckless student crash his bike onto a van

Day #3
On the lighter note,
this was actually funny.
The rider lost balance
While it was not even moving
Maybe his mobile phone freaked him
Even the dude infront of him laughed as he walked out to help.

Then I realized...
It's almost August
According to the Chinese calender
It's the most dangerous month

It's the hungry ghost month.

Ya'll better take care boys & girls.
Don't take it for granted.

Super Screwed

Well, for those who know me well enough...I break a lot of stuff. I'm just clumsy. Because of that, I'm quite a pro at fixing it...with super glue. Yes, I use super glue to fix almost anything. I've fixed a comb, my shades and even Ian's car's side mirror. I wanted to fix my cool water bottle. The lid is cracked and water leaks thru it. First thing to come into my head, super glue!

I decided to have it fixed on my desk. I pushed the iBook further inside to create a little space for myself. The glue has been used before, so I had to squeeze a little harder than usual to get the liquid out. And so, a stray droplet propelled its way onto my iBook. I'm like...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!..."
"WHY ME?! WHY DO YOU HATE ME GOD?!?!"

I quickly grab a piece of tissue and attempt to get as much off as possible. To my horror, it got even worst. Now I have a huge-ass ugly smear mark on the lid.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!..."

Then in come the 'ingenius' idea. Nail polish remover!
"Surely can wan!"

Rub and rub I did. I for a moment, it seems to have worked! Yay!

Just when I thought it couldn't possibly be any worse.
Then I saw some white stuff...the fuckin' nail polish remover removed the transparent glossy layer on the iBook.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

From a tiny drop into a smudge and from a smudge into a well...I don't know what else to say. It just horrible. Horrible! It's like a nightmare. Why didn't it came with a super glue remover like the one I used to glue back Ian's side mirror.



Why?!

Full Frontal

I went over to the mini-mart just round the corner from the office. I got me a 3-in-1 coffee and a can of Nescafe.

“No thanks, I don’t need a plastic bag for that” says me.

And then she went…
“Ai suk chau boh?”

I was like…
“WHAT!? Suk chau?!”

I don’t want to smoke weed…

Then I realized she meant ‘straw’
Cos’ when you translate “Ai suk chau boh?” to English. I thought she meant “Do you want to smoke weed?” “Chau” means weed/grass while “Suk” means smoke. But “suk chau” means straw. Hokkien can be pretty tricky sometimes, it doesn’t help that my hokkien is really bad as well.

Then I saw a white girl, sun bathing…topless.
And yes, I hit the pillar in front of me and almost fell down the steps.


Life is wonderful.

Lucky No. 3

Eeeks, I just realize I’ve achieved a personal milestone today. OK, maybe it’s a little belated, but I was busy…very busy.

But all that aside. I’ve been with Megan Ads for 3 whole months. That’s right! Three months! I know it’s not that long…or a big deal…but to me it is! So bugger off! This calls for a little celebration…

*looks around*

I see a can of beer. I think I’ll down it.

My second longest job ever was KLue which was at 2 months + 1 week. So, Megan Ads has surpassed that mark by a full month. Heh!

Lookie lookie, Mr Tall is all grown up.

Adios! I’m off to downing that can of beer and probably getting more…

Floored

I have a bed in my room...
Another bed is in the other room,
which is also mine.
Infact I got two rooms to myself.

But yesterday...
For some reason...
I opted to sleep on the floor.

I don't know why.

Eat Your Greens!

And so I came up with an ingenius idea. I won't mention the name Megan Ads no more. I opted for Megan Advertising.

And still...

"Who? Eng? From Vegan Advertisement? No no sir...I eat meat wan! I don't like veggies."



...yet again.

Fuck it.

Misunderstood

As of today, I think the company I work with, maybe should consider a name change, or maybe just to modify it a little. Today, well…the task of calling everyone and sending out emails to all the sponsors of this particular series of ad I was doing somehow slipped pass my mind, and with a little reminder from the head honcho, I got crackin’ right away.

So there I was, making a checklist to make this whole process a little more organized. Heh, “organized”…that’s one word I’ve struggled to get used to. Anyway, so call every sponsor I did. But establishing my name and the company’s name is the tricky bit.

“Hello…I’m Meng, calling from Megan Ads…”
Usually…in fact always, before I get to finish my line…they go:

“Who? Teng? From Haagen Dazs?”
“What?! Beng? From Mega Ass?”
"Hammik? Seng? Megan Ass?"

That’s just the highlights. The most common would be “Mega Ass”, hahaha, not a bad name for an Ad agency. The one that said “Haagen Dazs” was a little excited until I established that I was not with Haagen Dasz…

“…and no you did not win a life time supply of free ice-cream from Haagen Dasz.”

They can't even get my name right. Hmmpf. How hard can it be?!

So, maybe I rush my lines, maybe I don’t speak as clear as I should.
“Hi, I am M-E-N-G, calling from M-E-G-A-N A-D-S…Mehhhh gannn ADS!” I chose to speak a little slower to make sure I get it out right…and said Megan Ads, twice…slowly.

“What?! Heng from Ribena??”





Fuck it.

I don’t know what else to do.

Mall Rat

I took a drive to Gurney,
Vanessa’s Diamond is having a photo shoot.
Featuring our local canto-pop king, Alvin
And rocker, Leena.

It makes me feel all nostalgic,
Seeing camera gear, external flash
And a Powerbook hooked up to it.
Along with a brigade of make-up artists.

Man, I miss on-location assignments.
It’s so much more fun.
That’s one thing I miss so dearly.
Beats being cooped up in the office.

I did realize one thing,
Gurney is one awful place to shop
Bad selection, after another.
It doesn’t get any better.

Eye-candy is scattered all over
Scantily dressed
Overly dressed
Under dressed.

You doubt it sometimes
“Are they for real?”
“Are they over 18?”
“Am I checking out a kid?”

Shopping with Ryan is fun
Picture two clueless dudes
Walking aimlessly
Our direction is determined by the girls we see.

We thought we have scaled the whole of Gurney
Turns out…
We have been going in circles
…on the 2nd floor.

?!

Flame Boy

I came back, just after work…
Getting stuck at traffc.
Sis and her boyfriend were trying in vain…
To fire up the grill.

Mom was just sweeping away the mess…
They have made
I went…
“How long has it been?”

“30 minutes”
They said.
“Hmmmph, gimme 10 and I’ll sort it out”
Still fresh from dad’s ‘how-to-light-up-a-grill’ in less than 3 minutes.

I still can’t do it in 3 minutes…
But I’ve come a long way since then.

2 years ago during Chinese New Year…
Dad gave me the responsibility to light-up the grill.

He gave me…
A few twigs, a spoon full of kerosene and a piece of newspaper.
45 minutes later…
I did manage to turn charcoal into rubble.
No fire…No amber.

Dad went;
“Haiyah! Why like that?! Come, come…I show you”
And in less than 3 minutes…
It’s as if he cast a spell…
Because fire just lit up from the grill.

Effortlessly.

“Fire starters?! No need wan! It’s the technique!”
His voice still echoes in my ear every time I attempt to light up a grill.

Now, all I need to learn…
Is to remember to flip the meat…
Cos I still serve scorched meat.

But at least I put my sis’ boyfriend to shame…
Since sis doesn’t have a big bro…for him to impress…
I guess the boyfriend has to impress me, instead.
It's just fun :)

City dwellers…

Welcome Back

Oh no…
A day has passed by.
I haven’t said a word…
Forgiveness, I ask.

Happy 26th Birthday Sis!

Woaaa, you ain’t getting any younger.
Thanks for keeping my iBook clean and white.
And my new toy, a USB powered speaker.
It’s a rare occasion to have her buying some stuff for me.

Gone, Going

A little girl came up to me while I was walking to my car yesterday...

She had slammed the brakes of her pink bicycle and came to a stand-still in front of me
"Why so sad?" she asked.

Only one thing came to my mind…
"Well, I've grown up..."

Seeing life thru her eyes made me realize;
Simpler times have gone by.

“Enjoy it, while you still can...”
That was my advice to her.

Denial

“Here goes another day...”
The alarm rang as I was still tucked in on a cool rainy morning.

I thought to myself how the romance died…
When did it died.

It’s so hard…
It’s so bitter.

Good intentions…
Bad repercussion.

Caught in the middle…
Absent in reality.

Restless nights…
Sleepy mornings.

Reflections divulge the truth…
Denial is my companion.

I drink myself to snooze…
I smoke myself to sleep.

Every night.

Ignorance is bliss…
It really is.

Homelife

Yesterday, I had me a good home life.
Simplicity and serenity rolled into one.
Sim called, temp me with a Chic outing…
with a bottle.

Tempting…very tempting…
I contemplated, in the end
I chose to reside at home.
Was too tired anyway, might as well.
Did the ‘Bob’ three times throughout the second half of yesterday.

Uncle Bala ringed back a minute too late…
“Meng ah, sleep already?”
I took a good look at the clock with my half closed eyes…
“Yeah, almost anyway. Save one for tomorrow?”
Could sense the guilt he has for making me wait an extra 10 minutes which turns out to be an hour.
“Alright, see you then.”
No hard feelings, I know the procedure. There is never certainty.

Slotted in ‘25th Hour’ DVD, was too tripped out to even comprehend.
Not in the right frame of mind.

And then the morning comes…
The day after…

Package Booking No.: B000B1T
Booking Status: Success
Booking Date: Jul 10 2005 1:29AM
Flight Booking Number: M5UHDV
Hotel Booking Number: 279563

Departing: Kuala Lumpur
Arriving: Bali
Depart Date: Nov 4 2005
# of Rooms: 1
# of Guests: 2
# of Children: 0
# of Infants: 0

Since when I booked me a trip to Bali?
And only with another guest? And a room?
Well, AirAsia…
Your registration system’s flaw is my fluke holiday to Bali.

Cheers!

Distance

Distance lies...
They really do.

Things don't appear as they are...
From a distance.

ARE YOU KIDDIN' ME?

Poles & Holes

Tucks says…
“You want to own a Ferrari ah?”
“Say what? Ferrari? How?” I replied

[Rewinds]
You see, Tuck was approached by the dude some four weeks ago at Turf Club. He went…
“Boy ah…boy. What car you want ah?”
Tuck, being his usual self, went asking for something a bit over the top…
“I want Ferrari! Can?”
So he went…
“Hmm, can can. One month. I can get you one.”
Bemused, he inspected further…
“Wah, so easy meh? What business are we/you doing?”

“Oh, not business-lah. Just entertain me only. Very easy wan…” he said.
Curious…Tuck said, “Entertain you? How? Drinking ah?”
“Oh, drink also can. I buy all the drink you want!” he replied.
Tuck begun to sense something funky is going on…
“Huh? So what sort of entertainment are we talking about?”
The dude came and caresses Tuck’s face…
“Wah! Soooo smoooooooth! What do you use? What brand?”
Feeling a bit disgusted, he went on….
“Errr, nothing…only soap…”

He went on to start feeling Tuck with his hand and to one point, grabbed Tuck’s ass.

“Wooh wooh WOH!! No! I don’t do that sort of thing! Hell no!” a shocked Tuck said.
“Aiyoh, you soooo cute…come home with me lah, then I buy you that Ferrari.”
“No no! I don’t do guys or let them do me! Besides, I have a girlfriend and I love her, a lot!!”

Disappointed, in his last attempt…he went,
“Aiyah, what a waste…OK, fine. If you have any friends who are interested, call me. Here’s my card. All I want is someone who has a big dick and a tight ass!”

Tuck: Eeeeeeks…!!, Sure…tight ass…big…got it.

4 days later, a fellow colleague of Tuck went missing for 3 days and came back driving a brand spanking new Nissan Sentra. One can only wonder…

Return of Angel

He's been missing for quite sometime. Some suggest that he has called it a day and flown back to heaven, while others say he was slayed by the devil in a horrific manner. Rumours crushed, he has return and with a vengence to once again restore order in this fool's life. Angelic Meng has returned. Sigh, the hair dresser messed up my hair and now I gotta live with this good boy look image. Somebody smack me, please?

Lunchtime

Sigh...
It's lunch and I'm stuck here at the office. Though I'm a graphic artist, today...I'm taking up the Office Guard post, part-time. Kee, I want a raise! Heh heh heh...

Browsing thru my phone, I discovered that I''ve snapped quite a load of random photos. Here's a little sneak peak...

Getting high on Absolut and beers at Sim's. Finally finished that bottle I got from Langkawi, made some silent killers and sorta killed myself too. We basically emptied Simran's house off ice...and maybe water too.

Spending some quality time with good-ol dad, dinner and all was great...would have been even better if he hadn't spent half the time on the phone, heh. And his fish & chips really made him upset. "Hammik lai? Chiak chua ah? Hmmpf!" Kinda translate to "eating deep fried paper". Ahh, never fails to amuse me.


This would be the biggest ever house cat I've ever seen! Sim, how do you sleep at night knowing that one day it'll turn on you and eat you up, slowly...along with his/her twin. Meow.



That's Megan by the way. The boss' energetic daughter. I think she was stalking me and was ready to pounce! "Nooo, I did not take your Pokemon watch!"


No, no. No way am I gonna let this dude get away with this. Sim and I was just talking about it, on how Malaysians have no concept in fashion. Well, here's one example. He should know that boxers are meant to be worn inside! And then a pair of pants on top of that. To make matters worst, it was pink and had little teddy bears, bananas and all on it. Ewww...

Ying & Yang

On Lorong Geh Chong Keat, a new neighbour has just moved in. The new house looks expensively cosy, cool collection cars and a garden that’s beautifully landscaped. The resident, a young hip dude with his gorgeous young wife along with 2 adorable kids, probably twins. They live the perfect life. Good looking parents, adorable kids, beautiful house (rumoured to be over RM1Mil) and nice cars. The perfect neighbour.

Across the street, the house of Westwoods. A family that consists of 8 people; parents and 6 kids…6 ridiculously raucous and chaotic kids that wrestles each other all the time and makes their presence felt, all the time. On top of that, they have 3 daredevil dogs which are gay and can’t stop humping each other. The not-so perfect neighbour (no offence, Ryan.)

Yesterday, I received a late SMS. The phone states that the message was received at 2.45AM this morning. It was Ryan.

Ryan was having a joint outside his house…
…with the wife from the Perfect Family.

What?!

Lau Chiau (Old Bird)

To me best matcha...

HAPPY 22^ND BIRTHDAY, IAN!

Move!

Seriously, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out. It’s really simple, here’s the equation…You’re driving on the fast lane (FYI: It’s the right lane, mind you. Since most Penangites don’t even know or care) and suddenly you see a Kancil tailgating you…the answer to the equation would be...

JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY, DUMBFUCK.

Simple, isn’t? I mean, if a Kancil manages to tailgate you, it doesn’t really say much about you since the Kancil is probably the slowest car in Malaysia (maybe the world). I mean, you gotta be driving really…really, awfully fucking ridiculously slow to have a Kancil tailgating you. And if you ever see a red Kancil with a tall dude cramped inside, just move out of the way, will yah? It’s already a pain being cramped into such a small car, let alone prolonging the agony.

Graduation, Closure

It's done! I'm done! I'm never setting foot at Equator again...ever. Heh. 3 long years, 3 oh-so-long years being at that shithole college. Finally, I got that RM24 000 piece of paper in my hands...

The final shot with all Durians member together!


If any of you guys ever wonder how tall am I, well...that's how tall I'm. The YB ain't exactly short...I'm just Tall!


"Who the fuck is that?..."


On cloud 9 babeh!

Three Three One Five

My dad uses it, my mom uses it, the uncle who makes the Display stand for us uses it, Uncle Bala uses it, the dude that sells Wan Than Mee in Leith Street uses it…it’s becoming apparent that this phone is the official choice phone for people who can’t never get into the whole technological boom (mostly mobile phones) in Malaysia…

So here it is…

High Talk

Drunkard’s Conversation.

Me: Man, Ryan…your life is like that dude in Sin City, man.

Ryan: Which one? Bruce Willis wan ah?

Me: No no, the one with the whore chick…her name was Goldie, I think.

Sim: Sin City? The one with Bruce Willis in it?

Me: Yeah yeah, Jessica Alba is in it too?

Sim: Really? It’s a show about some mind control thingy?

All: Huh?

Me: Errr, no…it’s about stuff lah…you know, gangsters, cops, hookers...yada yada..

Sim: Is it the black and white one?

Me: Yeah yeah…

Sim: About mind control?

Me: No!

Sim: But Bruce Willis is in it.

Me: Yeah…

Sim: But it’s not about mind control?

Me: No! But Bruce Willis is in it…with all these other people, like Elijah Wood.

Leena: Eeee! Elijah Wood? He’s in it?

Me: Yeah, the dude with the glasses that has no lines in the movie and eats people.

Leena: Ohh yeah…

Sim: But it’s not about mind control?

Me: No! Hell no!

Sim: Is it a new movie?

Me: Yeah…

Sim: But Bruce Willis is in it.

Me: Yeah…

Sim: But it’s not about mind control?

[10 minutes later]

Sim: Oh, I was referring to an old flick

All: Huh? Sin City? Old flick?

Sim: Yeah, I think back in the 70s or so…

Sim: No, wait. That’s Dark City.

All: Sigh…

Alcoholic Anonymous

I told myself yesterday morning…
…that I should stop drinking beer.

It was a good week so far…
…work, social-life…lots of beer.

Met up with old friends…
…drank more beers.

Paycheck has finally arrived…
…and the beers kept coming in.

Last Saturday was fun…
…didn’t know what to do, so we drank beer at Sim’s.

Yesterday was cool…
…big dinner, cheers to beer.

We were supposed to play Futsal…
…but we ended up drinking beer.

Something died in the car which makes this horrible stench…
…I went back and attempt to get rid of it, couldn’t find it…had a beer.

Woke up this morning and dad says…
…here’s 2 cans of beer, it yours.

I told myself this morning…
…I need to stop drinking beer.

Huh?!

It’s 9:15am and I’m on the road…
Destination: office.
Keane’s music is flowing smoothly…
The smell of breakfast is tempting.

Then I saw…a Kelisa parked on the roundabout at the Gelugor
Traffic police surrounded the car, she looked distressed, the driver.

Some weird funky accident might have occurred…

Inspected…I did…but the car was virtually untouched.
Not a single scratch, dent or anything for that matter.
But there was a piece of street décor on the ground…
A really huge one, I think it was one of those ugly piece of shit that costs RM300K.

So what the fuck did happened?

?!

What War?

Yeah, War of the Worlds...the movie...
Yeah, it sucks. It really sucks...
That's all I have to say.

Weird Friends

Had a great time last night…we finished a bottle of Absolut, beers and one bottle of Guinness…towards the end…I was trippin’ out big time…But despite all that, I feel awesome this morning…minus the cramps and sore limbs from Futsal on Friday.

So I went on to check my emails…Friendster account…since it has been like forever when I last checked it…see what my “friends” are up to these days, online.

Check it out, I did…and seeing this, I did not anticipate…

I’m like WTF? Cute malaysia ladies? Cute japanese ladies? SPIKE YOUR HAIR?! WTF?! What sort of friends do I have? Fuckin’ hell…besides, its CUTE MALAYSIAN LADIES…not MALAYSIA LADIES, can’t even at least have it spelt right. And I’m surprise they were polite enough to use “Ladies”…what’s up with that? Trying to justify this crude search behaviour by using that word? And who the heck is Zarina Zainudin? Local porn star? Or just another “cute malaysia ladies”?

Friendster has become a semi sex forum in my opinion.

Olé

On the road…heading towards the futsal court all the way in Greenlane from Tanjung Bungah…

”I don’t mind being late for work…late for this, late for my marriage, late for that…but not FOOTBALL! Never!” says Simran.

Then I noticed that I share this same mentality, and almost instantaneously, Matthew and Chuan (who was in the car as well) nodded their heads with agreement…we’re all die-hard football junkies. Was and always will.

I work as a graphic designer now, Ian is heading down almost the same path, Simran’s a health consultant, Matthew works at Bayview Beach, Chuan’s with SenQ, Tuck…an aspiring soon-to-be jockey, Eugene…Citibank’s “top” agent and Raymond who will work on anything that against the law…Man, what a bunch of wasted talent…

I think by heart, all our current profession…weather we like it or not…is only secondary. If only there was actually a bright prospect in football here, things would have been different…very different. But sadly…we live in Malaysia…where corruption reigns supreme and goes unnoticed…and the “obvious but yet not quite obvious” racial issues.

I wish I can play football all my life…it’s the best drug, escape and alternate reality. Nothing else beats it…nothing.