Caution: Long Entry

You wanna know something that's pathetically funny?

I could actually tickle myself.

And laugh.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

We were talking about weddings - ya I know, scary topic and no, we're not getting married, we're not even a couple! - and she told me, "When I get married, I want to have a garden theme!"

"Ooo, Lone Pine? Just like Zach's?" I say, "You won't believe how beautiful it was. The sunset, the beach, the seclusion. Though the heat is a massive bummer though,"

"Would you wanna be my wedding planner?"

What? Gosh, no, "Well, if you fancy a football themed wedding then I'm the man!"

"I'd kill you if you were my would-be husband,"

"You knew I was gonna say that, and yet you ask," I said, "But wouldn't it be lovely? Man, I gotta go to some football stadium and pickup girls next time if I ever wanna meet a football nut and marry her,"

I asked her what's her theme gonna be, apart from having it in a garden, but I couldn't wait for her to respond. So I loudly shared my idea, "You do the whole Adam and Eve thing," I suggest, "Think about it, you'd save a whole-lot of moolah with this. All you need is 4 leafs. Three for you, one for him. Maybe an apple also. And a pet snake to complete it,"

Startled, she replied, "What about the back? I don't wanna have it exposed you know,"

"You have 'em cheeks to cover mah! That's what butt cheeks are for!"

"..."

"OK, let's improvise. Think long lalang. Mother nature's G-string,"

"It'll get really itchy lah," she said, "Hahah, try say long lalang out loud,"

"LONG LALANG!"

"Nice ah?"

"No..."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

My mom is so into making muffins now, she bought a 2-thousand ringgit oven for it. And it's placed somewhere between the mini bar and the TV cabinet. Oh what an eye-sore.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

We were invited by some church on the first floor of the building today. And being a sucker for free food, we all agreed to go. As we step into the shoplot church after gathering our lunch, we sat at the plastic chairs they provided. Naturally, we stay in a group. We felt a wee bit nervous at how welcoming and courteous they were. We noticed, those who sit alone or those who just sat there and eat would have one of them sit right next to your and start asking you all these questions. Where are you from? Where's the office? What do you do? What this and what that.

I sat next to Drey and I noticed the pattern. We were hungry therefore all of us just concentrated on eating. Then one of them sat next to Kee and started the whole questionnaire thing, one down, "Drey, please don't stop talking to me. I don't want them to ask me to convert..." well, maybe they weren't trying, but I've been through it before and it can get pretty ugly.

Somehow we manage to avoid most of them, until one of them just picked up a chair and sat next to me. Despite being in 'conversation' with Drey, she butts in with utter delight, "HI HOW ARE YOU?! ENJOYING THE FOOD HERE?!"

Gosh, "Umm yeah yeah, food's great -munch munch-,"

"WOULD YOU LIKE SOME DESSERTS?"

Eyes wide open, slightly hunching, still munching on the fried chicken, "Umm yeah, thanks,"

"I'LL BE RIGHTTTT BACK!" and she strolls away to her happy ending. I swear, it seems like she hopped away to a rainbow with bunnies and butterflies and to the sunset.

"We should just chuck this all down and get out for a smoke," I suggest to her, in which she agree within a nano second by nodding her head in incredible speed, "You know Drey, at times like this. I'm so bloody glad that I smoke,"

"Yeah wei! I was gonna say that too!"


Well, come to think of it. We can be really mean at times, but hey, we've met so many nasty people in our lives in advertising. So when someone is so strangely nice to you and offer you food, you can't help but be suspicious at their hidden intent. If there's any. I have to admit, I felt extremely bad. Because there wasn't any. I'm so going to hell for this.