2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!

I reckon this would be the only post in January. I just have that feeling.

2009

It has been really taxing, mind blasting and heartbreaking. Its drawing to a close. I can't wait. I really can't wait to bury all that has come to past. All that was heavy, entangled, doleful and plainly unnecessary. After all that, 2010 should only be better. I really hope it would.

This Just In: A New Entry! Wuu Zaa!

Alright, time to humour myself with a blog entry as they are really few and far between these days. As I scour the image banks all over the internet searching for ‘leader’ type images in cheesy powerpoint corporate style…I think I earned myself a little breather.

These past few months have been really tough, financially at least. Haven’t had my paycheque in 2-months and I am slowly sinking down the poverty line. Man, I miss those days when paycheques were a certainty. Guess it’s all about learning things the hard way. Despite the savings I had, I guess I could have done better. Maybe sis was right after all. But her regime is far too extreme (or strict). But I may draw some ideas and points from it. She is after all a banker. The one person you would trust when it comes to finances.

I am so hungry now I think I’ll go downstairs and grab me some hot buns. Ooo! Such simple pleasures in life.

Going Around in Circles

Now and again, I feel I’m hanging on for reasons I no longer remember. That maybe I’m afraid of what’s ahead of me. What’s in place for me that I can’t seem to foretell worries me. Perhaps it could all just be an indefinite freefall to self-rediscovery or maybe just utterly disillusion.

Things that I was sure of, plans that I was so certain of has all been in complete and utter disarray. I’ve descended to lows I’ve never thought I’d encounter again. Seems like I’m going around in circles.

I just don’t feel quite the same anymore. Circumstances have been so distorted and I can’t even vaguely recall what went wrong. I want to fix it so badly. Then I ask myself, “What’s the point if it’s turning out to be a destructive vicious cycle? There’s nothing in it for me.”

Breaking out of it is never straightforward. I know it will pass on and life as we know it will go on, as always.

Happiness

True Happiness, many of us seek it, but very few find it
Like the mythical Unicorn, mortals are obsessed with it, many of us hear stories of it,
But few or none of us will ever experience it; True Happiness what is it?
To know happiness you must first understand; "What is Happiness?"

The Satisfaction of Ego via tangible or intangible means does not bring Happiness,
Searching for a new state of Ecstasy does not bring Happiness,
Fulfilling your empty heart does not bring Happiness,
Striving to win - for someone to win others must lose, this does not bring Happiness,
Looking for an exotic creature to satisfy our senses does not bring Happiness,
Falling deeply in love does not ensure Happiness,
Engulfing material wealth does not ensure Happiness,
Even the birth of a newborn, pure and innocent, will bring a temporary state of joy, but not Happiness, as upon separation this joy will turn to sorrow..

Why are these not state of Happiness?
These are not Happy states as these are states of short joy and ecstasy, mere illusions to satisfy the gross mind and body
How do we then find Happiness?

The mere notion of "To Find Happiness" is what we term a wrong view
To "Find Happiness" - we are stating that Happiness has a form, shape, is tangible and a meaning to be sought after
Hence we give Happiness a meaning by saying " I will be happy if i get....",
This is the dilemma of sentient beings,
You seek Happiness but You run towards suffering,via the "Wrong View"
How can we find something, in which at the first place is needless to be sought?

Happiness does not come from "attainment" nor from "elimination"
But the understanding of "Letting Go",
To Let go means to "Have but not Be Attached"
To Let go the of Ego, to Let Go of The "I" in us,
When we say "I", it is the Ego speaking and Not the True Nature speaking..
How many occasions has this "I" driven the world to destruction?

Happiness is a battle within,
Its a battle between the True Nature and The Ego,
For the True Nature to arise one must Let go of the Ego
Stop feeding the Ego Or feel the need to feed the Ego,
Once the Ego subsides the True Nature will reveal itself,
When the true nature arises one will be in a state of stillness, tranquility and peace,
Not because One is Rich, Beautiful or Powerful,
But because one understands..
But you may ask me this, "Is Happiness a state of Stillness, Tranquility and Peace?",
Then i will ask you this...
"Is a person whose within is Still, Tranquil and Peaceful Happy?"...
The answer? 

You decide...

Don't Know But Still Do

I don’t know what to blog, but I feel like it anyway. Do not know what’s with the sudden urge. Maybe I do have something to blog about but I just can’t quite grasp it. I’ll do the random bits.

• I will be turning 26 in a couple of days time. An achievement to still be alive nonetheless. Though I can’t find another reason to celebrate other than that.

• After a week, at long last I settled my road tax, car insurance and my mysterious phone bill. Left another dent in my bank account. At least it feels good to be driving my car and making calls again.

• Haven’t bought my suit for Ryan’s wedding yet. Should get cracking but I fear I may not be able to afford it. If only my dad was as tall as me and didn’t wore a grey suit for his wedding. Oh, wait. Mega Sale in on, nationwide. Yes!

• A TV show told me, if you drink less than 3 cups of coffee a day, it’s actually very good for your health. Now that’s a relief.

• Life has been very mono since my iBook stopped functioning. This is going to be hard since I plan my life with it.

• I think I will just stay home tonight.

Goodbye Good Terms, Hello Bad Terms!

The internal unrest that has plagued this agency has now descended from simplicity to unnecessary complexity and now, it’s just downright silly.

Last week, apparently he – the Emosapien, as we would aptly refer to him as – accused me of drug dealing as it recently came to light that he was moonlighting as a drug dealer. I was out on a dinner date on Saturday evening and I just mentioned it to her, updating her with my on-goings and what’s been brewing with this agenda, “He’s gotta do better than that,” she chuckles.

What bugs me more is not the false accusation but it got my parents and sis worried. I don’t blame them for tilting over the fence a little bit over the accusation. It’s only human nature to worry over the people you care for. What bothers me is that he got them worried over nothing. If you want to drag me down with you, you honestly gotta do better than that. You may be 5 years older than me, but in my eyes, you’re no older than daddy’s 5-year old little spoiled brat.

I’ll get my revenge for all the troubles eventually. But unfortunately for him, it’s in a form of karma. Unlike him, I’m in no way vengeful, so basically the first sentence in this paragraph is purely hypothetical. I’ve always been a firm believer of karma; what goes around does come around. I’ll basically put my Champaign on ice and my popcorns in the freezer eagerly waiting for your eventual downfall in the near future whilst booking my front row seat. I want you to know when the time comes; I’ll be watching, smiling, sipping my bubbly and munching popcorns. It’s gonna be quite the show. You should have taken the money and go your separate ways as originally agreed. Instead, you went behind our backs and started digging a hole to drag all of us down with you. You shouldn't have dug the hole in the first place. The hole you're digging would only unearth more unpleasant track record of your 'illustrious' life. But lucky us, the hole is already too deep for you to come back up, let alone drag us down with you. Now I'm wondering, where's the shovel?

We wanted it to end in good terms. Instead you’ve dragged this onto the realm of unnecessary complexity and drama. The ‘good terms’ card is now off. Hello, bad terms!

This is now personal.

It's Pouring. Yes!

It finally rained. Just like that, everyone suddenly feels a heck lot better. This should happen more often or we just find a way to sink or move Indonesia next to America. I mean come on man. Stop burning ‘em forest and bombing your own people!

Yesterday night, I was watching “The Lost Book of Nostradamus” on the telly. I must admit, I am a wee bit freaked out now.

Happy birthday, sis! I can't believe my sis is...30!

I think I have slowly accepted the fact that my 5-year old iBook may never come back to me. It's such a shame. It endured my first year in KL without internet. Now that I have internet, it went blind. Sigh.

Glory! Glory! Man United!

Finally, I got to watch my favourite football team ever play in front of me. I just can’t help but think, what if I lived in Manchester? I’d be doing this every fortnight. If I can afford it, of course. But chances are slim and this is the closest I’d ever get I suppose. Packed stadium, everyone wearing red…feels like Old Trafford, I would assume.


Kev got me and JM each the third away kit (which is also the anniversary kit they wore when they won the UCL awhile back) and I wanted to wear it. But since JM had told me prior to the match that he was gonna wear it. I opted for the last Vodafone home kit.


Pack, pack, pack! I think this is the one and only time Bukit Jalil Stadium is ever full!




When Malaysia equalized, honestly, I was dumbfounded. But that will only mean the game is still on and very much alive! Until a certain Michael Owen won it.


Honestly, I would do it again. But not today (a second match will be held in the same place today as they have cancelled their Indonesia tour due to the recent bombings), because the traffic jam, the long walk and crowding your way all the way to the seats isn't exactly fun if you do it too often :P

Laters!

Not So Colourful Entry But Let Me Just Blow Off Some Steam

Recently, it has dawn on me that I’m slowly spiraling down. Falling out of love with this industry. I cannot remember how on earth did I manage to put up with it but I did, back then. Now, it’s just so hard to soldier on. Frankly, I’m getting really sick of it.

Maybe it’s the lack of quality in my personal life that’s driving me nuts. The fact that I’d be bashing my head to churn out the 932878971st concept for the same client on the same day and at the end of the day, all I get in return is a deflated self and my room and virtually no-time for myself. Work has spilled into my personal life so much that my own little life here has been watered down severely. It’s so stale, bland and well, monotonous.

Perhaps this is why lately, my ideas are crap (or non-existent) and my motivation is well, unmotivated. It’s funny how it turned out; I tried so hard not to let my personal life affect my work previously. So much so, now it’s the other way round. Did not see this coming at all.

I would soldier on but what’s the point if I can’t finish the journey? Oh, blimey. I need to get out of this industry!