Enduring a 12 hour van ride to finally visit a modest island off the east coast of Thailand, described, sometimes as a piece of heaven that has fallen onto Earth, seemed a fair deal. I imagined being in the most tired state-of-mind (being tall and cramped inside a small van with minimal legroom and an exhausted iPod) and having a bunch of Thais coming up to me offering loads of substance to make my whole experience a wee bit more potent and surreal. Probably the best sales people offering the best products on Earth who shrieks out the worst English ever, “Grass? Want? Mushroom? Will make you high long, long time!” would be fitting. After all, it would be weird if they have mutter out, “Good evening, Sir. Would you like to sample Koh Samui’s finest and freshest of Greens?” wearing a tux with shiny polished black shoes. You would sense that there’s a huge price tag wedged onto it. “No thank you, Sir. I’m fine. I’ll rather try luck with the beach boys and risk having them selling me leafs instead,”
I envision a land of everlasting possibilities, the only limit would be your will to explore and enjoy. After all, the unofficial tagline is “Whatever Happens in Samui Stays in Samui”. So why worry?
Crystal clear waters teeming with hot babes (both literally and figuratively) with the occasional topless few (or more?) to spoil your eyes with, long stretch of powdery white sand awaits, but there’s an entry requirement. If you don’t hold a big bottle of Chang or at least some sort of alcohol or substance, you’re not welcomed. You might even be jailed for breach of the Chill Law 1970 Relaxation Act (B) Section 2, which states, He must be under the influence to be entitled walk on the sands of this island. Severe consequences for those who fail to act in accordance with. Girls however, have a wild card to play. “Can we go there sober but topless?”
Sure.
I would wear shades at all times. Maybe not those typical ones that is black. But those lightly tinted ones that really doesn’t make any difference in the sense of eye-protection but at least it’ll reflect the sun off the lens which produces a glare that hides my curious eye-balls from them noticing me blatantly glaring at their perfect-Hollywood shaped boobies, perpetually. Then I will constantly have a T-Shirt on, nothing for me to show-off anyway. But nothing Hawaiian, ever.
Without doubt, I’ll visit that club with the ping pong balls and probably buy some outside and maybe a bat as well, to chase away the Lady-Boys. They’re very direct and always horny. They’ll usually catch up with your toot toot ride on their motorcycle and howl out “Boy ah, you want?” followed by the classic shameless flashing of their surgically implanted breast, “Nahhhh, you like? You like?” Eeee. I’ll smack you with my Made in China ping pong bat and shove the remaining of the ping pongs up your mouth, fling an empty big bottle of Chang at it and hurl that bat as well, since I won’t need it when I go back to Penang. They won’t beat me up because I used a Chang bottle as opposed to Tiger. They respect people who support their economy, in someway.
But the real worry isn’t about finding what to do in the island, but dealing with departure when the time comes. All that’s to live for somehow seem to have found it way to this land mass and leaving it seems wrong. Post-Samui depression can be very cataclysmic if not dealt with care.
But before all this could happen, I need to be there first. And yes, it would be my first time. Also, I’m aware that almost everyone else has been there, at least once. Koh Samui in June, anyone? Come lah. I damn scared to go alone! Please?
(Crap, you made me say please)
I envision a land of everlasting possibilities, the only limit would be your will to explore and enjoy. After all, the unofficial tagline is “Whatever Happens in Samui Stays in Samui”. So why worry?
Crystal clear waters teeming with hot babes (both literally and figuratively) with the occasional topless few (or more?) to spoil your eyes with, long stretch of powdery white sand awaits, but there’s an entry requirement. If you don’t hold a big bottle of Chang or at least some sort of alcohol or substance, you’re not welcomed. You might even be jailed for breach of the Chill Law 1970 Relaxation Act (B) Section 2, which states, He must be under the influence to be entitled walk on the sands of this island. Severe consequences for those who fail to act in accordance with. Girls however, have a wild card to play. “Can we go there sober but topless?”
Sure.
I would wear shades at all times. Maybe not those typical ones that is black. But those lightly tinted ones that really doesn’t make any difference in the sense of eye-protection but at least it’ll reflect the sun off the lens which produces a glare that hides my curious eye-balls from them noticing me blatantly glaring at their perfect-Hollywood shaped boobies, perpetually. Then I will constantly have a T-Shirt on, nothing for me to show-off anyway. But nothing Hawaiian, ever.
Without doubt, I’ll visit that club with the ping pong balls and probably buy some outside and maybe a bat as well, to chase away the Lady-Boys. They’re very direct and always horny. They’ll usually catch up with your toot toot ride on their motorcycle and howl out “Boy ah, you want?” followed by the classic shameless flashing of their surgically implanted breast, “Nahhhh, you like? You like?” Eeee. I’ll smack you with my Made in China ping pong bat and shove the remaining of the ping pongs up your mouth, fling an empty big bottle of Chang at it and hurl that bat as well, since I won’t need it when I go back to Penang. They won’t beat me up because I used a Chang bottle as opposed to Tiger. They respect people who support their economy, in someway.
But the real worry isn’t about finding what to do in the island, but dealing with departure when the time comes. All that’s to live for somehow seem to have found it way to this land mass and leaving it seems wrong. Post-Samui depression can be very cataclysmic if not dealt with care.
But before all this could happen, I need to be there first. And yes, it would be my first time. Also, I’m aware that almost everyone else has been there, at least once. Koh Samui in June, anyone? Come lah. I damn scared to go alone! Please?
(Crap, you made me say please)
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