Descend

Have you ever gone thru a phase when you feel you’re here, but yet you’re not quite here. That feeling of your mind being adrift somewhere and your body is left behind like an empty shell.

“Come back Meng, come back,” I say to myself. Hoping to summon it back. I stood in the middle of my room, concentrating in bringing my mind back. It’s sounds insane, I know. Well, I just might be a tad crazy. Nothing surprising. I just feel empty of late.

But it won’t return. It refuses to return.

I slumped back onto the sofa and watch the tele. Like a drone, I’m not even sure what am I watching. But I just do, in an hopeful attempt to fill the void.

As I slowly descend into a silent-depression mode, I look back and thought, “Well, I’ve been there and done that,” knowing eventually I’ll recover from this slump. But what if I don’t? Will I finally lose my mind, proper? How did I recover back then? I really don’t remember.

How did it all come crashing down in the first place? So what did come crashing down? My job? No, Job’s good. Friends are great. Parents still love me. In fact, they’re finally embraced technology.

I got the impression when my Dad reveal a revelation I never once thought I lived the day to hear it, “Meng, I can finally SMS!”

I was stunned, “Really?!” half-heartedly replied. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited and happy for him, but I’m in a silent-depression mode remember? But I made sure he knows I’m glad with this new improvement. I sent him an SMS for the first time ever.

Maybe I just need some beers. Maybe I just need copious amount of sleep. Maybe both. This could just be a false silent-depression mode confused with fatigue after all. Maybe not. It might be for real.

Well, I rather go have lunch now and talk to Annie. Maybe that might cheer me up. I could choke-slam her. Never fails to put a smile on my face.