It was just a cover-up. It coincides with the change of which I’m going thru. Frankly, I’m going thru a rough patch, a really rough patch of my life. I’m in a rut, so to speak. I faked my departure from blogging for obvious reasons. Too many people I know, in person are reading my blog. With that, I loose my freedom of speech, whatever I intend to write becomes fabricated and superficial if not encrypted.
My life is in a fucking mess now and I can’t even begin to start cleaning it up. I wish things could be easier, I really do. Despite the slight blissful moment I had late yesterday, a conversation I had with Leena later on the night made me comprehend my current state of life. I told her I wake up everyday feeling negative (in someway, it feels suicidal but not literally) rather than positive. It has been 5 freaking months since I started work and it still feels like the first month. I still wake up every morning feeling like crap, and every single day, I go thru the motions like a mindless drone. I’ve lost my way.
My course of actions has been costly lately. A friend of mine lost his job which I had played a part in it, unintentionally, thought he isn’t exactly one of my favourite friend, I still feel awful. But I have to say, he had it coming. I don’t appreciate sms or phone calls at the wee hours to tell me something about the work and last minute meetings. The freelance project I decided to take to help out my niece’s friend is also wearing me down.
I’m lost and I can’t seem to find my way back. I don’t know where to go, what to do. Everything seemed so perfect and fantastic previously. But now, everything is off beam and horrible.
I’ll bounce back…eventually.
My life is in a fucking mess now and I can’t even begin to start cleaning it up. I wish things could be easier, I really do. Despite the slight blissful moment I had late yesterday, a conversation I had with Leena later on the night made me comprehend my current state of life. I told her I wake up everyday feeling negative (in someway, it feels suicidal but not literally) rather than positive. It has been 5 freaking months since I started work and it still feels like the first month. I still wake up every morning feeling like crap, and every single day, I go thru the motions like a mindless drone. I’ve lost my way.
My course of actions has been costly lately. A friend of mine lost his job which I had played a part in it, unintentionally, thought he isn’t exactly one of my favourite friend, I still feel awful. But I have to say, he had it coming. I don’t appreciate sms or phone calls at the wee hours to tell me something about the work and last minute meetings. The freelance project I decided to take to help out my niece’s friend is also wearing me down.
I’m lost and I can’t seem to find my way back. I don’t know where to go, what to do. Everything seemed so perfect and fantastic previously. But now, everything is off beam and horrible.
I’ll bounce back…eventually.
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